Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
