im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
