Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
