hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
