I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
