why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
