she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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