dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i believe in u and ur pee
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
