U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
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HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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