You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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