I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
