Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
