Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
