Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
