Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
