Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
