it hurts more in the daytime
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
