you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
