did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
