this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
