So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
