Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
pray to the hookup gods
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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