im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
