this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I believe in your delicious
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
