The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
