screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
