I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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