He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
