today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
