Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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