I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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