Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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