Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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