I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize