Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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