A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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