# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
