i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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