Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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