my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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