He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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