Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
