covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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