oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
