She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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