yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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