Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you made out with another girl for some wings
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
