I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
