Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
