i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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