Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
