Define "chronic" masturbator.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
