You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
