yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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