I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
