I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
