I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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