Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
