you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
