What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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