she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
