im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hippo gnu deer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
