and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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