How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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