i just wanna soil my oats bro
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
