Soap is not a condiment
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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