He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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