I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize