I got chris browned last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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