Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
