another moral hangover. fuck.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
