Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
