dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
