white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
how drunk are you?
Several
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
