a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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