she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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