my room smells like sperm. sweet.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
