Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's Friday. Sex?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
