batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You've changed since you got that strap on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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