She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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