I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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