sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
